One Thousand Dollars

Mr. Nova was going through a bad period a few years ago. It was at the height of my drinking and drug-use days, a real dark time for the Novanator. I was seeing this little 19-year-old redhead. All she cared about was getting high and trying to fuck with Mr. Nova's head. The dumb bitch thought she could destroy my life with her feminine wiles and sinister ways. Little did she know that Mr. Nova has no emotions or life left to destroy, just beliefs and memories. But still, tempt me she did—in a way so shocking and demented, I feel obligated to share with you what I experienced.

She had this identical twin sister. Imagine two red-haired, big-titted look-a-likes, cute as hell, sick and depraved! These young twins had a strange relationship with each other. It was like they were in love. They would hold hands while watching movies! They would even give each other little kisses. I have never seen anything like it before, my brothers. I know we have all read about things like this in magazines, heard stories from rock artists, dreamt about it in our most private fantasies…

But this was REAL! Maybe because they were twins, they figured that touching the other was no different than masturbating. I didn't understand the dynamics of their relationship. I didn't understand their mentality. All I knew was that me likes it. Me likes it a lot.

On one strange day, my girl and I were talking.

"So, your sister and you are very close."

"Yeah… would you pass the joint?"

"I noticed you two cuddled up together watching the Mary Kay and Ashley special. I thought that was sweet. "

"Yeah… we like to watch stuff together." She took a hit and zoned out. Then she came back to reality for a second. "You hungry, Mr. Nova?"

"Nah, I am fine. By the way, I saw you two kiss."

"You like that? You sick man."

She started laughing. A really strange, shriek-like laugh. She sounded like a cheetah getting castrated with a broken Coke bottle.

"You two have never… you know? Done… stuff with each other? "

"Fucked? No… but there was this one guy who offered my sister and me $1,000 to do each other in front of him. "

Suddenly she had my complete and undivided attention. A nuclear bomb could've exploded in the backyard and I wouldn't have moved from the sofa. " What happened?"

"He didn't actually have the money," she said.

"So… what if he did have the money? Would you have done it? "

"Oh, yeah! Hell yeah! My sister wanted to do it, too. I told her I would buy a strap on and fuck her better than anyone ever. And she likes to fuck, too. I would lick her shaved pussy and finger her until she came all over herself. Then I would bite her nipples and spank her and make sweet love to her over and over again. "

I sat there dumbfounded. This was some crazy inbred shit—and I loved it! It must be illegal as well… but y'know, when you're smoking dope on a Thursday afternoon, you really don't care about the law. I just couldn't believe she was being so matter-of-fact about fucking her sister! It was like, " I enjoy long walks on the beach, playing with puppies, opening my presents on Christmas morning, and incestuous lesbian relationships with my twin. Please pass the mashed potatoes. "

I tried to play it cool. "Well, why not do it for free—if you love her so much?"

"Oh, it would be a one time only thing. I figure if money was involved it would make it even better. But we won't do it for less than One Thousand Dollars. A girl must have her standards, Mr. Nova." Say what? Standards?! A whore is a whore. Fucking for money is fucking for money. But of course, I kept this to myself… no need to ruin our relationship by being honest. Honesty and relationships go together like fire and gasoline—one destroys the other.

The next day I went through my bank accounts. I didn't have anywhere close to $1,000… so I had to be creative. Over the next two weeks, I cashed in my government bonds and sold off some expensive items I had shoplifted over the past few years. I stole my brother's TV and sold it on eBay. I even asked for an advance from the editors at www.LastStory.com.

"Fuck off, Mr. Nova! You know we can't give you company money to spend on prostitution!" my editor said. I tried to argue with him that the money was for a column—and I'd let him watch. But the stupid prude wouldn't budge. The bastard.

At the end of two weeks I manage to borrow, steal, swipe, swindle, and leverage together one thousand dollars.

"Ok, I have it!" I told my 19-year-old redheaded girlfriend.

She was stoned. "What do you have? Chocolate? Chocolate is like, cool and stuff."

"The $1,000! Don't you remember what we talked about a few weeks ago? How you'd let me watch you fuck your sister for $1,000? "

"Oh, well my sister just got engaged a couple of days ago. I don't think she can do it anymore."

I sat there with a blank look in my eyes.

She smiled. "I am sorry… I wanted it to happen more than you did, Mr. Nova. Hee, hee! That would've been pretty cool. Ha, ha. Do you have any more pot? "

I broke up with her and went home. I never talked to her again. Last I heard she was in rehab after a bout with some bad PCP. I don't know what happened to her sister. Crazy bitches. They left me hanging on what could have been the best Mr. Nova story ever…

…Unless I can find me some triplets.