16 Gets You 20

Me and a friend were checking out this sweet young cutie’s delectable, apple-shaped ass. She had these tight black jeans on that showcased some of the sweetest curves I had seen in quite sometime. Damn if she didn’t make the Nova-jang want to pop out and play like a psychotic hand-puppet. She turned her head to look at something and I noticed that she was a lot younger than I originally thought. I could tell that underneath all of that makeup and lip gloss was a teenage girl trying to get some attention. The Novanator came to his senses and the Nova-jang died down.

“Damn if they don’t keep looking older and better all of the time. They didn’t dress like THAT when I was in high school,” I said in amazement.

My friend, on the other hand, didn’t care that this pretty young thing was barely 16. He wanted to go up and lay down some game. He turned to me with a serious face and said, “Mr. Nova, would you bang her out if an opportunity presented itself?”

I laughed. Then I thought about it for a moment: Could I use my Nova-style and get away with it? I came to my senses again, knowing full well that even for me it would be a bad idea. “Look,” I said, “she may seem like a playful little fuck-bunny, but deep down inside she is still a confused teenager. Sure, you might get a chance to fuck her, probably because she wants to piss off her parents and make her friends jealous. But what if someone found out? What if she suddenly decided that ‘Hey, this guy is taking advantage of my sweet little innocence! I think I should tell Daddy so he can call the cops and make a report. I don’t think I washed out that T-shirt I used to clean up the cum he spurted on my face. Daddy, can that be used as evidence?’ Then in court the judge will stare you down and pass a sentence, sticking you in a pen with Julio and his five fingers. No way, dude! Remember this lesson: 16 will get you 20.”

“20 what, Nova?” my dense, horny friend asked.

“20 years, my Novanite. In prison.”

He looked disturbed. I think he really wanted to pound this girl – no matter what. I had to impart some wisdom on this pent-up lad so he wouldn’t do something stupid and ruin the rest of his life.

“Ok,” I said. “It’s as plain as the vein in my shlong that you want her ass. Well, I have a way for you to get it.”

“How is that, Nova?”

“She looks 16, right? Well, put her on what I like to call the Two Year Plan.”

A bright light bulb suddenly shone over his thick skull. “That is a great idea, Mr. Nova!”

I put my hand on his shoulder and said to him in true Jedi master fashion: “You have just taken your first step into a larger world.”

“So what do I do now?” he asked.

“First thing I would do is become friends with her. Make her feel like you are the Cool Older Guy. Then she will start to dig you. She might become attracted to you because you’re different from the acne-faced douches she sees in high school. Get her e-mail address and start chatting with her online. That is a safe way to do it; she’ll feel comfortable. Just don’t mention anything about sex – EVER! After awhile she will come forward saying she wants to take the Wet Willy Ride. Once this happens, have a little talk with her. Explain to her the consequences of what will happen if you two do it. She’ll eventually understand. Then you give her your contact information and say ‘Hey baby, give me a call in two years.’ She’ll believe you to be the coolest dude on the planet and remember you no matter which stupid high school senior fucks her in the meantime. She will always dream about the cock that got away.”

“Damn, Nova! That is a great idea! You are truly a God amongst men.”

I gave an understanding smile. “I know, my young apprentice. Now go and talk to her right now, with the power of Nova-style on your side!”

Well, the kid went over… and got rejected. As I knew he would. See, there’s no such thing as a failsafe Two Year Plan. Sure… it might work every once and awhile. It might even work half the time. But if you succumb to temptation just once – 16 gets you 20. Like Poppa Nova used to say, “If you hang around the barbershop long enough, eventually you’ll get a haircut. And if you fuck around with underage girls long enough, eventually your ass will land in jail – and you’ll be getting conjugal visits from some black dude you don’t want one from! Now bring me my whisky, you worthless little kid.”

Good times.