The Drought

A desert is formed when the water seeps away from the land, thus rendering trees and plants dead. The roots decay underground and the soil erodes until nothing is left but sand… and the occasional cactus that has adapted to the non-fertile environment. The desert is the result, not the catalyst. It is formed because of man’s negligence and the cyclical fury of nature.

The same type of thing can happen to a man when he has not had pussy in a long, long time…

It is called The Drought.

Your Novanator has had a few droughts in his day. Some happened by choice, others because of house-arrest, and yet others because there was a lack of potential “Friends with Benefits” in my area. It isn’t a very fun thing to go through, particularly when one is used to a constant stream of sweet shaven snatch. When it happens a man must be prepared to withstand the storm (or lack thereof – as is most likely the metaphorical case).

So what can you do when The Drought kicks in? Let Mr. Nova lend you some advice…

1. Masturbate

Ain’t no shame in husking the cock-corn if you can’t line up some healthy ass. It is better than spending money on a whore – and healthier for you as well.

Releasing that pent-up sexual energy will make you feel better and reduce your risks for prostate cancer all at the same time. Think of it as killing two birds with one stone… while choking one chicken with one hand.

2. Save your money

I just told you that it was better to masturbate than spend money on a hooker. What to do with all of that saved loot? Build up your resources for when The Drought eventually ends and the “Friends with Benefits” show up again. You want to OPTIMIZE possible hook-up opportunities by having a nice bank at your disposal. Say you want to bang out some hot little cutie, but she wants to go out to dinner first? I know, it ain’t much fun forking over that cash to an over-priced restaurant, but it’s better not to sweat about whether your credit card is going to be declined or not.

3. Perfect your physical and mental well-being

During The Drought a man should strive to better himself in every way possible. Read up on some important events (or my blog), write down your experiences, workout those abs! If you need counseling, get it done quick before you start fucking again. A bitch doesn’t want to deal with YOUR inner problems. She wants YOU to deal with HER inner problems. Remember, it is better to be positive and constructive than lazy and destructive.

4. Drink and eat and watch TV

There is nothing wrong with downing a few cold beers, eating a few wings and flipping though some channels on the old idiot box. It is for your own well-being that you can still relax, even if you aren’t able to release jizz on some unsuspecting female’s face. Just make sure you always refer to item #3 – you need to workout if you want to have bad eating habits. Most bitches aren’t going to go for a guy that has Buffalo Wing-breath, a bad case of the beer farts AND is fat.

5. Write to your Novanator

Feel free to share your drought experiences with me. I am more than happy to provide useful insight to one of the worst things that can inflict a man. A drought can cause low-self esteem, paranoia and possible dementia. I want my Novanites to live long, happy and entertaining lives.


Remember: The desert is the result, not the catalyst. A man can survive The Drought if he chooses to come out of it stronger and ready to pound some sweet shaven snatch. Don’t let anything get you down, my Novanites.

Be a cactus. Adapt.